American criteria for being an "enemy combatant"

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American criteria for being an "enemy combatant"

Post by Joseph » Mon Feb 13, 2006 8:20 pm

I was reading an article on the BBC about the British beating of an Iraqi and the recent forced end (via force feeding) to the hunger strike in the Guantanamo prison.

We've all heard about it. Those of us who follow the news have likely read up on these issues several times. What really caught my attention for it's complete and utter absurdity was this:
Among the criteria reportedly used to define an enemy combatant are these: possession of a rifle; possession of a Casio watch; and wearing olive drab clothing.
A casio watch. Let me repeat that. A casio watch. Never mind the guns (which many Americans themselves love to pieces and insist that they have the right to "bear arms", completely forgetting of course that that was never intended as more than a temporary measure to fight off those pesky Redcoats back in the late 18th century). Never mind the olive drab clothing.

A casio watch.

It's about half way through the article.

It's a good thing I stopped wearing a watch a few years ago when mine broke on a roller coaster ride. But then, I think I'd have been reasonably safe. Mine was a Timex.

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Post by Ewen Brown » Mon Feb 13, 2006 8:35 pm

a bunch of soldiers beating up a random guy with a rifle

"wait, he doesn't have a casio watch"

"just a sec" soldier takes a casio watch out of his pocket and puts it on random guy

"ok, carry on"

continued beating resumes
stupidity causes violence

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Post by Spider » Mon Feb 13, 2006 10:29 pm

I would love to see someone getting this explained to them for the first time:

"Weapon, check. Olive clothing, check."

"What about the watch?"

"What about the goddamn watch? It's on his wrist."

"Is it a Casio?"

"What the fudge? How the hell am I supposed to make out that from here? Our binoculars are good, but they're not that good."

"Simple, if it's a Casio, he's the enemy, if it's say a Rolex he's one of ours."

"We're bribing the iraquis that much these days?"

"No, the rolexes comes from looting Saddams old places."

"Ah, I see. But do we take this guy out or not."

"Only if it's a Casio."

"But he's pointing a fucking rocket launcher at the caravan."

"Got to make sure, can't afford to kill any of our allies. Casio or bust."

*starts beating his head against the nearest rock*
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Post by Magnus » Tue Feb 14, 2006 7:14 am

What if I was down there? My watch is a Victorinox, but it only says so on the back.

But really, this has to be the best example of military "intelligence" at work. In the eternal words of Megadeth: "Military intelligence / Two words combined that make no sense"
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Post by Dodger » Thu Feb 16, 2006 11:36 am

thank goodness im wearing seiko, got me scared there for a second lol
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