Is this a relationship?

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Joseph
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Is this a relationship?

Post by Joseph » Wed Dec 11, 2013 3:01 pm

So... It's been over a month now. We ran into each other by chance down town (we used to work together a few years ago). Discovered we live a couple blocks from each other (we both work down town and live just outside it). Started texting (daily now) and spending time together as often as we can. She'll met me for just a few minutes if she's out and about and I'm on a break at work. I'll walk her home from work if I'm down town. I get quick little hugs and kisses on street corners if she sees me in passing. She was my date for my work Christmas party and I've now twice been over to her house when her kids are home so... Yeah, I kinda sorta think we're somewhere between friends with benefits and a relationship.

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Re: Is this a relationship?

Post by Marcus » Wed Dec 11, 2013 4:19 pm

Benefits? Thats just another term for something that can become much better if you both decide on it being a relationship.
But then im pretty conservative about such things :mrgreen:

Anyway! Sounds like its on the way to relationship! Right?

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Re: Is this a relationship?

Post by Joseph » Wed Dec 11, 2013 4:46 pm

You and Gorth are the last two qualified to determine what is and isn't a relationship. :mrgreen:

That said... Yeah, the quick kisses on the corner when we run into each other, all the kisses she was giving me at our office Christmas party and having now twice been to her house when her kids are home (they're 10 and 14)... I think we're in that middle zone between FWB and relationship.

As for the benefits getting better if it becomes an "official" relationship... I'm hard pressed to think of how they could get better. ;)

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Re: Is this a relationship?

Post by Gorth » Wed Dec 11, 2013 10:45 pm

Realtionship... yeah, that's sex with obligations and commitments IIRC. At least that's what people in relationships tells me ;)
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Re: Is this a relationship?

Post by Fluffy17 » Thu Dec 12, 2013 4:41 pm

Interesting question. One of my friends posted this on her facebook so don't take this as MY opinion but there was this article about 10 old-fashioned dating tips that should still be active. And one is that the man is the one that goes point blank "Are we dating?" when this arises.

Since she has kids and as a man who has dated single moms before a good litmus test is if the kids know who the heck you are. If they call you some jerk name like " Drug Junkie Joe." It's probably just fwb. If they treat you like an actual person or a guy who's just dating their mom than I would call it a relationship.

Granted a relationship to me is official if you are seen in public with people you know in a controlled environment. Like a work party, holiday dinner or church so take my views with a grain of salt.
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Re: Is this a relationship?

Post by Joseph » Thu Dec 12, 2013 4:54 pm

How kids respond to a man other than their father is hardly how I'd define whether or not it's a relationship. Children seem to be naturally predisposed to not like someone that the parent they live with starts seeing. ;)

And technically, any way we relate to people is a relationship but obviously I'm not using that loose definition. At the end of the day, we enjoy each others company and that's probably all that matters for the time being.

One interesting question, with Christmas fast approaching, is whether we'll see each other much over the holidays. That will be somewhat telling.

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Re: Is this a relationship?

Post by Marcus » Thu Dec 12, 2013 11:24 pm

Is it that old school "You're not my daddy!"

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Re: Is this a relationship?

Post by Gorth » Fri Dec 13, 2013 2:05 am

Marcus wrote:Is it that old school "You're not my daddy!"
Until the DNA test proves otherwise ;)

But Joseph sort of hit a good point. It's not a binary thing, but a scale. Some people you are closer to, some more distant. Commitment and exclusivity (i.e. monogamous relationships) is one way of expressing genuine interest in "the other" person as opposed to say "friends with benefits".
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Re: Is this a relationship?

Post by majestic » Fri Dec 13, 2013 12:13 pm

Joseph wrote:Yeah, I kinda sorta think we're somewhere between friends with benefits and a relationship.
It's both, considering how broad a spectrum of somewhat casual relationships the term "friends with benefits" really encompasses.

Daily texting, hugs, kisses, little meetings whenever there is time and all that stuff sure sounds like someone's fallen in love and a has a little, budding romantic relationship to me.
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Re: Is this a relationship?

Post by Journeymouse » Fri Dec 13, 2013 3:11 pm

Considering that most of the single parents I know wouldn't let a fudge-buddy / friend with benefits / whatever near their children by choice, I'd say it's a relationship - or she wants it to be. Grats.

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Re: Is this a relationship?

Post by Joseph » Fri Dec 13, 2013 3:34 pm

majestic wrote:Daily texting, hugs, kisses, little meetings whenever there is time and all that stuff sure sounds like someone's fallen in love and a has a little, budding romantic relationship to me.
Well... I wouldn't use the "L" word but beyond that you're pretty accurate I think. She does make time for me and even though I work until 10PM, she often wants me to stop over afterwards, even if it's just cuddling on the couch for half an hour before she goes to sleep.
Journeymouse wrote:Considering that most of the single parents I know wouldn't let a fudge-buddy / friend with benefits / whatever near their children by choice, I'd say it's a relationship - or she wants it to be. Grats.
A very excellent point, Jo.

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Re: Is this a relationship?

Post by Marcus » Wed Dec 18, 2013 9:17 am

:)

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Re: Is this a relationship?

Post by Joseph » Wed Dec 18, 2013 3:10 pm

Marcus - Posting just a smiley is spam. Warning 1/3 for spamming. ;)

But seriously... yeah, texts daily where I'm called all sorts of cute pet names... either she likes me or she just really likes the "benefits".

The funniest thing is that we have almost nothing in common as far as interests. She hates cycling. Hates the winter. Hates all things British which is most of the tele I watch and music I listen to... it's kinda funny in a way. :)

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Re: Is this a relationship?

Post by Marcus » Tue Dec 24, 2013 1:12 am

Oh thats nice! What happens on Christmas? Any plans?

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Re: Is this a relationship?

Post by Joseph » Tue Dec 24, 2013 4:43 pm

No plans. She has two children and will be with them and her family. Though I've met her children several times I won't be spending the day with them. Nor would I expect to.

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