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 Post subject: Legends for Lease
PostPosted: Wed Apr 11, 2007 2:45 am 
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Joined: Sat Feb 14, 2004 7:16 pm
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Location: Battling Daleks with Claudia Black at my side on the Enterprise
Title: Token Archer Fan
The other story I'm working on, hopefully more coherent and less Jan-like than the last one :oops:

The children stared at me with eyes that were glassy and round from shock. They scampered away as I kneeled to meditate, whimpering as they retreated into the shadows. All of them avoided the iron door looming at the other end of the cellar. I’m known for meditating in the heat of battle; hell my friend Megan Brand said I could practice Zen archery unruffled in the midst of a raging firestorm… with my teeth. I opened my eyes and heard a hiss, I then saw what the children were running away from and is wasn’t me, it was a giant caterpillar with a grotesque baby's head and a silver halo, it also had several spikes coming out of its chest. Don’t remember how I killed the damned thing I think it ended with me decapitating it with something. That was my first fight as a werewolf, as well as a Legend for Lease… that is what mythical creatures like pit bulls (that’s what those aristocratic mages call us werewolves), Vampires and the like call the guardians of the fabric of all reality. My story started on that fateful half moon but it continues.

The streets were rimed with patches of dirty gray ice, and a knife sharp December wind howled between the tall buildings, I kept to the shadows, stalking the alleys and the silent parking garages-anywhere that a rogue creature or anomaly in reality might snatch up a lone mortal that strays. I forced my lungs to draw in great gusts of air, wincing at the reek of carbon monoxide and rotting trash while I opened the door of an empty warehouse, which is a primary source of killings. Suddenly I sensed something… something that leapt over a box with a howl and swung an aluminum bat one-handed at me. The truncheon smacked me in the mouth with a crunch of bone and a spray of blood and enamel, knocking me off my feet. I got back off and saw a girl with a very spaced-out look on her face; she was a typical brunette and wore a kilt… a tie-dyed kilt. I knew this girl as Tex Slade.

“Wake up bonehead.” She said in a Southern drawl she then spat at the ground, almost hitting me in the forehead. “Oooops sorry thought you were one of those abominations, Leslie.” Tex was a faerie, a pookah to be precise. Tex was from Texas, hence the nickname, her real name was Jean, but we don’t call her that because Tex is just so much more fitting.

“Testing out a weapon as well I guess.” I said, I then realized the warehouse was where my friends and me ran our little: “Legends for Lease” business. “So where’s everybody else?”

“Dead.” Tex said looking over my shoulder at some boxes labeled: “Extremely Dangerous Keep out of reach of children”. I rolled my eyes at this morbid and horrible joke. I then pushed Tex out of my way (something I do often and my 7’9” frame helps out a lot) I then entered the actual warehouse where I saw a bespectacled girl at a computer with long brown hair, she was also doing something most people would find odd but I didn’t, she was sucking out the blood from a rather large steak.

“So… the Amazon’s back.” She said, she then tossed the dried up steak at me. “Want it?”
“No thanks Meg.” I said curtly. “Where are Lisa, Jillian and Nikki?”

“Jillian and Nikki were called to an emergency mage and wraith meeting and Lisa is as always… violating the Nocturne Diktat.” Megan replied. Megan was a vampire… a vampire that has never tasted human blood because she likes the taste and legality of blood in steaks. Thus her band exiled her because she was what they called “a vegan”. She then took out a jug of balsamic vinegar and took a long swig from it. I sighed at this reply.

“Lisa’s like Venus De Milo, beautiful but not all there.” I said, Megan laughed at this statement.
“This coming from a 7’9” werewolf lesbian.” She said. “That’s rich.”
“She’ll get wise once the vampire mafia get their hands on her.” I said.

“Les, I’ve been friends with Lisa Stark ever since I was in elementary school with her, she isn’t gonna change, hell her becoming a vampire didn’t do a lick to her.” Megan said. I shrugged and turned to my room and began to pet my cat Slappy. Who peered at my window and I turned to look at it, I saw a girl perched on the windowsill; she was short and had somewhat feathery brown hair, had green eyes and an energetic smile on her red-tinged lips.

“Is that blood on your mouth Lisa?” I asked her.
“Nope, just Kool-Aide, with all the Vitamin C and riboflavin you can shake a wallet at.” The girl answered. Lisa was in many of my friends’ words: “One strange banana.” loud, crazy, obnoxious and overall, quite the delinquent in vampire society. She was a vampire who lacked any of the political insight or prestige that a vampire had, nor was she forced to drink blood, the liquid just had to be red! The thing was that she also lacked any kind of supernatural abilities aside from the potency, celerity and fortitude that vampires always have. Basically she had the parts and Megan had the smarts.

“What do you want to do?” I asked Lisa, knowing despite her presence at home, Lisa wanted to get going into the next adventure or case we had.

“Dunno, probably crash the mage political meeting, I love doing that.”
“You already did that remember?” Megan said. “Not to mention they crossed off all our names except Jillian and Nikki’s and that’s just because the Vampire Lords signed a concordat with them so the Nocturne Diktat will never be violated at meetings… seriously Lisa, you’re pushing the envelope way too much.”

“Pshoo-dewoo, Ms Poindexter.” Lisa snapped. “We have to watch the mages, they could break the pact that started this whole war between the three armies of vampires, werewolves, faeries and mages.”
“So could the vampires.” Tex pointed out.
“Or you poodle-faces.” A tanned woman with exquisite jade-green eyes, lips ripe and delicate as snow peaches, and sunshine-blonde hair said as she entered the building, a short girl followed her, her petite frame might imply delicacy in others but she seems anything but. Her black hair can only be described as "fashionable" and is kept deliberately short. She had large dark eyes staring back with a bubbling confidence that makes one drawn into what she speaks have or wants to listen to.

“Or maybe Lisa’s playing everybody for chumps.” The shorter woman replied. “She could be the catalyst of the next war.”
“Silence with that talk.” I said. “I’m off to Gideon’s steakhouse. You’re all welcome to join me.” The short woman and Lisa decided to go along with me. “Look Jillian, now don’t try to hurt Lisa.” I told the short girl as the three of us began to walk towards Gideon’s steakhouse.

“Don’t worry, its just that tensions between the four mythical races are so high that reality itself is on the brink… and something tells me if the races themselves don’t pull together and the races individually don’t stop the infighting we’ll go extinct if we embrace the darker side at the blood war.” Jillian replied. Jillian had an uncanny knack to connect to people yet keep whatever distance she wishes allows her to dive in and out of the human world at will. To most people she had a "couldn't care less" attitude, going with the flow and only making a stance at an impingement to change her mind or do her own thing. But to me she was my friend, a mage friend as well. “I’m just frustrated.”

“Yeah I understand.” I replied. I looked around and noticed that Lisa already entered the steakhouse; Jillian and I followed her and entered the establishments. We were greeted with a man that we knew as Gideon Pryde. He looked like he just rolled out of bed--he had a layer of stubble covering his face, and unkempt hair that looked like he probably cut it himself. His clothes only added to his disheveled appearance: a ratty t-shirt, badly faded blue jeans, and an old brown leather jacket.

“So, how are my favorite customers doing?” He asked like he was trying to sell vacuum cleaners. “What can I get ya?”
“The usual as always!” Lisa yelled.
“Isn’t that what the usual is?” Jillian asked. Lisa shrugged.
“So… what’s the scoop Gideon?” I asked Gideon.
“Oh well you now same old witches bothering me with the same old rent.” Gideon was about to continue his rant about his mundane life when a woman with sable hair, dark eyes, and cappuccino skin hint at old Creole blood dulled over time, she seemed delicate and fragile came running through the door.
“Liar! Liar!” She yelled running towards Gideon.

“See what I mean, take it from me Leslie… they’re four women you should never date: Goths, girls with purple glasses, 11-year olds and my sister Marie here.”
“Gideon shut up, I’ve come to tell you that Rachel Von Straggle and Helena Poole were murdered.” The woman said.
“Rachel Von Straggle and Helena Poole killed, ridiculous.” Gideon said. “Those two are the heirs of the Mage and Werewolf council chairs.”

“It gets worse, they actually skipped blaming the vampires and decided to investigate in more… cosmic places.” Marie added. “The arcanes believe something neither spiritual or physical was responsible for the deaths. Also I hear a lot of rumors involving you and friends.” Marie then pointed to me. “You’re summoned to the Council of Arcadia… being the cheapest and most eclectic group of private investigators Viktor Shelley knows about.”

“Interesting.” I said. I saw Jillian twitching her nose at the peanuts next to Gideon, Lisa then took a handful of peanuts and gobbled them all down.
“Wow I never knew they made leek flavored peanuts.”
“They don’t I did that.” Jillian replied. “So, did Viktor say anything about when we should meet him?”
“Who’s Viktor?” Lisa asked.
“He’s the Lord of Milwaukee, which is where we live Lisa.” Megan said as she waltzed into the steakhouse with the tanned girl I knew as a wraith named Nikki.
“Really I thought we lived in Detroit.”
“Ewww.” Gideon said.
“Wow, you are retarded.” Nikki said as she passed through the counter and took some beers and handed Gideon some money (I love when she does that). “What are you doing inside your vapid brain anyway Lisa?”
“I’m plotting revenge on the guys on the Wizards of the Coast BBS… they called me a n00b.” Lisa growled.
“Go figure.” Nikki replied. “So when does Viktor want us in his presence?”
“Well ya know that Viktor, always wants to shock you with some kind AMV or something like that.” Lisa said. Tex then entered the steakhouse holding a plastic bag.
“Pancakes taste good with mufflers.” She said smiling and letting out a rather loud burp.

“You are one strange banana you know that Tex?” Gideon said. “Anyway I know whoever Viktor wants to see ends up badly bruised so you all buzz off now ok?” I nodded, getting enough information about what the Lord of Milwaukee wanted with me. My friends followed my suit, as the last of us (which was Nikki) left the steakhouse; a red sports car sped past us and threw a laptop right at Lisa, which for reasons beyond my comprehension impaled her in the valley of her breasts, and like any vampire she fell face first, asleep.

“So who wants to take it out?” I asked everybody.
“1, 2, 3… NOT IT!” Nikki yelled, I joined in, then Tex, then Jillian and finally Megan. Megan sighed, not liking the fact that this was about the 40th time she helped Lisa out of this vampirism drawback, which vampires call torpor.
“Wow, that was some strong vodka.” Lisa said as she woke up began to try to stand up, not caring that Megan was holding a laptop with her blood on it and having a gaping hole where her heart was supposed to be (which sealed up lickety split).

“Open it up why don’t ya!” Lisa yelled at Megan about the laptop. Megan opened it up and on the screen was a crudely drawn picture of R2-D2 that was vandalizing a church by writing: “Go to the Bradley Center to discuss your business with me. You fools. PS If you think I was aiming to hit Lisa Stark on purpose, you were right.” The six of us then waltzed toward the deserted former NBA arena and was suddenly at the feet of the vampire lord. Viktor was a lanky fellow, umber hair cropped stylishly short and left natural. His eyes are dark chestnut, deep set and striking, with a very rugged face bordering between handsome and disturbing. His cheeks are pockmarked and facial build lean and craggy.

“Hey Viktor how ya doin’?” Lisa asked Viktor, who rolled his eyes dismissively.
"The only thing that separates you and me is probably three tax brackets." He mumbled. “Anyway let’s get to business.”
“Yeah, now if you excuse me I must get dressed for such a business call.” Tex said as she entered the bathroom, five minutes later was dressed in a shirt with the Texan flag on it, a leather jacket, a plaid skirt, argyle socks and a black leather choker… I also noticed Tex had an adorable Marylyn Monroe-like mole on her cheek. “OK I’m ready.”

“OK, well as you know Rachel Von Straggle and Helena Poole were killed… now nobody is talking, however I’ve been thinking that perhaps the supernatural are not to blame. Call me crazy.”
“Ok bonehead.” Tex said.
“I said call me crazy.” Viktor said.
“Yeah but we think you’re a bonehead.” Lisa said. I smacked both Tex and Lisa because of this asinine behavior.
“We will do anything to help prevent another blood war milord.” I said trying to smooth things over. Viktor then continued to describe the situation.

“Now analysis in the library with Archmage McDonald has mentioned some kind of entities called ‘The Ancients’, they are said to be fused remnants of the many old polytheistic gods of olden times. They want vengeance on those arcanes that human accepted and remembered… in other words, what you gals are.” I heard an explosion hysterical giggling, that immediately swelled up into full-throated laughter I turned and saw Lisa.

“Sorry Les, but they call me and my haven-mate Jeanette kooky while the ‘All-Mighty-Lord-of-Milwaukee makes up shit like… Zeus rising from the grave and fucking any female sheep he sees. Not to mention Hera being the bitch she is and shoving a souvlaki up any of her bastard children. She does have some nice boobs though.” She then looked at me as if I was taken by a Greek goddess of marriage and childbirth.

“I never said anything about Olympians per say… but since you have a wraith on your team perhaps she could help you gain access to the Underworld and you could try to see what Hades is up too… if he actually exists.” Viktor said. Nikki smiled.
“I sure can do that.” Nikki said, she then knelt down and drew a circle with mascara with a baby’s head, a heart, then a skull chanting ‘Pie Jesu domine, dona eis requiem.’
“Um, what the hell are we supposed to do now?” Tex asked.
“Isn’t it obvious?” Jillian asked. “We just step into the circle you fools.”
“What’s your angle? Jillian, are you a necromancer?” Lisa asked.
“That was my major, along with satanic propaganda.”
“What do you mean?” I asked Jillian.
“Forgive me father for I have sinned, I ate a baby.”
“Oh that kind of satanic propaganda.” Megan said. Then one by one, every one of us walked into the circle and we found ourselves in the Underworld.

_________________
I have no time for flat characters why should I have times for flat people?

I'm Otto von Bismarck watch me blow, watch the butterflies coming out of my nose.

"You can't choose what bothers you, that's why it bothers you."

-Rachel Duncan


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