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Retro Reviews

Pong - teh Sux0rs - A Retro Review by CatBoris

According to dictionary.com, "Pong" means n: an unpleasant smell. It's a name quite befitting this old stinker. I'm pretty sure many strange nerds out there will want my head on a plate after reading those words, but quite honestly, this game is phenomenally boring, even when playing against someone else. I realize that this game is old, but some things just don't age well. Things like milk, corpses and Pong.

For starters, where the hell is the fun in slapping a ball (the word "ball" is used in its most liberal meaning) around for fifteen odd minutes, only to begin again once you or your opponent fails to slap it back? This doesn't feel like a game, it feels like a chore! I think it's fantastic that this game became so famous considering the severe tedium involved in playing it. If you want real ball-slapping action (not that kind, cheeky bugger!), go outside, find a partner, and play tennis! If it's raining, play ping-pong inside. But for the love of God, don't waste time playing Pong by yourself! Every time you do, God kills a cute, fluffy animal and makes a baby cock-eyed.

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