These musings aren't really Christmassy, they're more in tune with New Year's resolutions.
But I've never done New Year's resolutions. What's the point? Reserving one day out of the year to make changes in your life? Shouldn't you do that any day or every day or whenever they need to be made?
It's symbolic isn't it? And when you don't keep them, they come with the built-in excuse of "Oh wow! Was I ever drunk! I wonder what I was thinking when I said that?"
Anyhow, let's talk about these things called resolutions shall we. I probably need to make a few. But before I can figure out where I'm going, I need to look at where I've been.
It all began when I was a little boy...
Mom and dad divorced and I was raised by my maternal grandparents. Being technically a ward of the court my grandparents let said court stick
me in this group home or that one or back with them again, seemingly on a whim, and so I struck out on my own at 16. I learned a valuable lesson though. I learned how to travel light.
Still, it wasn't all bad. It gave birth to my megalomaniacal cosmology. After all, I had my own lawyer and my own shrink and they administered all these tests that said I was some kind of genius. If that doesn't stroke a kid's ego, what will?
So I considered being a cop or an astronaut or a hockey player or a visionary counter-revolutionary and then figured I'd be some sort of artist.
All by the time I was 10. Wow.
Where was I? Oh yeah… Going through my young life jeering at my idiotic classmates and growing more arrogant by the day.
And somewhere in there, some things gave me some balance, perspective and some sort of sanity (though
sanity is highly over-rated).
Music and martial arts.
"Pops" (inside joke) returned to my life shortly after I turned 16. If you're bushi, like my father (and not one of those K-Mart karate guys), you know what he gave me. If you're not, forget it. You're just not going to get it.
The music came from my mother's side and that gave me something too and together, those two things sustained me for a long time. And then I sort of let go of them.
And I regret that.
There are few things in life I regret and losing my passion for those two former spiritual anchors are two of the biggest. (The rest of the regrets stem strictly from some of the women I dated... Oh, and that pink dress shirt and skinny red leather tie I wore in back in the 80s.)
Where am I going with this you ask?
Oh, about another quarter of a page.
So... with Christmas, New Year's and my birthday all in the span of nine days it's only natural that I take stock of things at this time of year.
Let's see... I have love (and she's not after my money because I don't have any) and I have some friends. Not many but a few (and they're real). And like all wanna-be world rulers, I've got some really great ideas that get me some really strange looks when I tell people. (And I've got a Magic Talking Tiger too but don't tell anyone...)
Ok, just a few more lines now...
I've got some gifts (the innate kind, as if that needed clarification) and as for the things I regret letting go of... they're still there, somewhere inside. And when the time is right, when I'm ready for them... Hang on a sec...
"What's that Magic Talking Tiger? Oh..."