very resourceful and intelligent man. He would find a way; it would just be a way where I had no part. But this meant he would stay with me for a little longer, and so I was content.
***
Five days passed from the day he asked me to sign the supposed letter. He was more intoxicating to me than ever. My body literally ached in pain and lust when he left the house, if even for just a few hours to run errands!
But the delirium he granted me as he returned made me bare with the pain of him leaving. He made me feel weak like a young child and at the same time strong like a warrior queen as soon as he got back.
I myself no longer left the house, I simply felt more at peace when in the safety of our love nest.
But on this, the fifth day, when he got back late at night, he was different. I had been pacing and crying for the full six hours he had been gone. I'd tried to call him, but he hadn't answered his phone this time. I was beyond myself.
When he finally came in through the door, late at night, I could immediately sense something was wrong, even though he took me in his arms and kissed me as always. At the moment his lips met mine was the moment when I knew the monster within him had finally come out. He would leave me now.
In his arms, without a word, I burst into tears of panic and fear, right there by the door. My cries ehoed all through the now empty house as I begged him to stay.
He just held me, silently, letting my heart break in its own time.
I cried in his arms for what must have been the better part of an hour. Then he gently led me in to the one room, besides my bedroom, that still had furniture: the kitchen. My feet dragged themselves over the cold tiled floor, before he guided me to sit down on one of the two chairs there were still left. My sobs were slowly subsiding, but my heart still shattered in sorrow and fear as I knew he would tell me he had to leave.
He firmly took both my hands in his,
and I registered him crouching down in front of me, resting his wrists on my skinny thighs.
"I really do love you Jocelyn," he then said in his sweet voice. "But, you know there is a lot of money in this house... And I want it."
"I know..." I silently whispered with my voice still full of tears. "But if I give it to you, you'll leave, I know you will. I love you Jacob. I can't stand it if you leave!" I said, feeling tears welling up and falling down my cheeks again. "I love you… Please don't leave me…"
"Sssh…" he hushed me softly and leaned in to gently kiss away my tears. "I won't leave you, Jocelyn. But you leave me no other way to get to the house now..." he continued and kissed my lips just as gently.
Then he slowly got up, and with his scarred hand firmly resting on my shoulder he walked around behind me. He stopped behind my back, his hand still gently holding on to me. I knew my dream would end now. He would never make me dream again.
"Jocelyn…" he said as to ask for my
attention, and in response I tilted my head back a bit, so that he could see my face, though I could not see him.
"Yes?" I said softly.
"I'm sorry." he said shortly, and I heard the monster emerging in his voice.
"Why? As long as you don't leave..." I answered with a tremble as I heard his weight shift and the sound of a kitchen knife being lifted from a cutting board reached me.
Then, in a burning slash, sharp steel cut through the skin of my throat.
---
I saw nothing.
I was blind.
And yet, I saw what eyes do not.
I saw what matters: love, passion, happiness and pleasure.
I gave my all to obtain it.
I regret - nothing.