Miss Germany 1993
My first for a few things: my first lover in a new city, my first older woman (I was 20, she was 29), and my first European woman.
She introduced me to the sensual aspect of sex, which allows one to make love instead of just shag.
She introduced me to the art of choosing the right music, food and wine so really, a lot of the women I've been with since should probably send her a thank you card.
But, aside from all that, she was a vain, shallow, self-serving attention whore who put on airs of an intellectual and artsy.
It was also my first experience with being a both a rebound and a plaything but hey, what did I know.
Hey, Carmen, if you ever read this, I just want you to know I lied. Your breasts really were too small. Bitch.
Miss Vancouver 1994
To escape from the previous harpy, I went to Vancouver. Stayed for a month. Had a fantastic trip.
One night, I went into one of the city's trendy night clubs. As I was getting up to go to the men's room, a woman at a near by table got up and started walking down a hallway with a washroom sigh on the wall.
Assuming the men's and ladies' rooms were side by side, I walked down the hall behind her.
Turning the corner I find only one door and it wasn't the men's room. She turns and looks at me. I start to apologise, asking where the men's room is. She smiles, grabs my hand and pulls me inside.
Here I am, having some steamy stranger sex in the nightclub, thinking Vancouver is a really great town.
Walking back out to the bar, I invite her to join me. She can't. Her boyfriend is sitting at her table.
Miss London 1994
There was a woman that worked near where I was living when I was making my way as something of a bohemian artist and musician.
I asked her out for a drink. She said she couldn't, she had a boyfriend.
The next day, she came up to me and asked if the offer was still there. I said "Yes" and we went out.
We stayed until last call and to my surprise, she came home with me.
The next morning, she called in sick to work then called her sister. Her sister picked her up at my place and we moved her out of the place she shared with her boyfriend.
We lived together a little less than a year and then, when we broke up, she moved right back in with her deadbeat, pothead ex.
We had kittens. She kept them. They were cute. I miss them sometimes.
Mrs. Holland 1995
I had an affair with a married woman. I was 22, she was 31 and he was in his 40s. We met working on music. Seduced like a fool, I believed it when she said she was leaving him.
I wasn't her first affair. Or her last.
And her husband... poor bastard. I called him Ned Flanders. They were Dutch, both supposedly very religious and he'd forgive anyone for anything.
She confessed. He would call me and cry. Sometimes I cried. It was emotional. It was surreal.
When I was broke, waiting for a student loan, she convinced him to loan me money.
I refused. I had some standards. Well, maybe not, but I had pride. I said I didn't want his money. He replied "We're Christian. We love you and we want to help."
Saddest of all, after it ended she said if it was just sex, we'd still be having an affair but because she loved me, I was dangerous to her marriage.