This is a collection of a few calls that I got last week.

---Your phone number?
555-2310.

---Alright, was that two three one zero?
no. 555-2310

---... Alright sir

(later)

---can you click on the start button for me and go into control panel?
...what?

---click on the Start button.
i don't have a start button

---... ok, is the computer on sir? yeah.

---what does it say on the bottom left of the screen?
it says start

---Fantastic, click on that
okay. now, do you want me to open, explore or what?

---pardon?
it says open, explore and Search?

---you right clicked on it. I want you to use the left mouse button instead this time
ok... so, where do you want to me to go?

---have you clicked on the Start button yet?
No. Is that what you want me to do?

---Yes, left click on Start for me, sir.
Um.... okay, lets start over. I'm totally lost.

I told a guy once to remove all external devices from his computer so we could run a restore on his computer and he couldn't follow any instructions afterwards because... he... unplugged his... mouse and keyboard...

and finally... (this is the best call I've had so far. I was sure I was being pranked, but it's for real)...

Thank you for calling tech sup-
---HALPME! My f'n computer won't stop beeping! It's driving me crazy. Tell me how to stop it from beeping!

(hearing constant beep noise in the background)

well, um, can I get your phone number please?
---How is giving you my phone number going to help you?! Just tell me how to stop it from beeping! I'm going insane here! How to I stop it?

Why don't you turn the computer off? That would stop the beeping.
---NO! I am not turing it off. Help me.

ok. Can you give me the serial number of the computer?
---How is giving you my serial number going to help?

I need it to confirm that you have a computer that I can support sir what is the serial number?

(long pause. heavy breathing and beeping can be heard)

---ok. serial number is 4555412214468745-21

...that's not the serial number.
---DAMNIT!

Look for a twelve digit number with letters and numbers in it.

(longer pause. heavy breathing and beeping can be heard)

---alright. serial number is mj4h2g1t4521
Alright sir, thank you. That's not a computer that I support in this department, I'll transfer you please hold.

---NOOOOOOOOOOO

Old Lady
first call:
dosen't have a DVD decoder on her computer
tech tells her to do a full format of the hard drive
second call:
finished formatting. calling back for further instructions
tech needs to mail her the WinXP cd.
If I had gotten this person at the begining, I would have broken the dumass rules and told her "download a decoder!", or, rent the Matrix or something and install InterActual for free!
Unbelieveable.

---------------------------

(after getting the phone number)
--- what were the last 4 digits again?
of what?

--- .......................of your phone number?

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