Random Occurrences Occurring Randomly

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Baley
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Random Occurrences Occurring Randomly

Post by Baley » Fri Mar 10, 2006 7:45 pm

Seeing how I was bored, and had a couple of minutes to spare, you know life's busy, I'm lazy, masturbation is fruitless, anyway, I'd love to hear your opinions, as insulting as they may be.

(mature content)






Random Occurrences Occurring Randomly




"Kill me." She said to the man that laid above her, somewhere, starring indifferently. His eyes were blue.

She coughed semen. He laughed at the red-headed woman, she was gorgeous, one of those old school dames, class, her ravished, crimson bosom emitting raunchy redolence. She was laughing, with him, at him, it didn't matter to the little girl on the dirty floor, nothing did anymore, the whole aimless universe surrounded her, and for the first time, she welcomed it, inside her.

"Please." She had been raped, violated, deflowered, desecrated, her body was covered by petite, delicate cuts, slashes, blood pouring mellowly, it pained her to admit it, especially to a blond, pubescent boy, but she had to die, there was no other way, her god denied salvation. The sanctimonious bullshit she called a faith, a religion, was still with her, it didn't want to let go, she didn't want to let go, the whole fucking world was dying all around her, yet there she stood, legs wide open, free for all, equality, freedom, the American dream.

The young man, oozing emotionless simplicity, penetrated her one more time, his knife and his cock, hard virile steel, his monotonous, almost mechanical, moves brought him immense pleasure, he played with his blade, the woman's face, his crude canvas, he wanted to give her purpose, to give purpose to the whole damned universe, he wanted to feel loved, he made the woman love him, in an empty middle-class flat, his boyish good-looks and careless attitude attracted aging females, he *i have potty mouth* them all, raped some, ate some, killed some, defecating on their feeble lips.

"Please"

"Please" He said.

"Please" She said.

They looked at each other, four lonely eyes glaring at their common fate, bald, fat men in business suits, long haired cameramen, filming their every move, every day, every hour, every minute, everywhere. They cried together, quietly fondling in a most virtuous way, they prayed to God, while the man was fucking her bleeding anus, they prayed for redemption, they prayed for hope, they prayed for peace as he carved his initials on her spoiled skin.

He came on her face and left. She sat on the floor, legs wide open, welcoming the next visitor.

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Joseph
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Post by Joseph » Sat Mar 11, 2006 12:52 am

Pretty strong stuff. I can see the reference to the "American Dream". Rather fitting.

Other than that... uh, wow, not exactly what I expected when I started reading it. I'm still somewhat... shocked I guess. If you were going for shock value and political commentary, you achieved both.

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Baley
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Post by Baley » Sat Mar 11, 2006 1:59 am

Yes, I suppose the shock factor was somewhat important, to be honest I'd like to expand this vignette, a short story perhaps, but I never seem to be in the right mood lately.
I wanted to portray the world of the hooker and the mentality of the her dreaming client. He thinks his tough shit, so he abuses her and she takes the abuse, she grows apathetic, but still conforms to society's rules, and the whole world reacts to it, it's all for profit, so she's left alone for now, on her cold floor, in her cold apartment, until the next man, woman or child arrives, and it starts all over, abuse and gratification, an emancipated individual that can't escape a pitiful cycle, she could blame her country, her indoctrination, but she doesn't, she doesn't think about it, she's the human machine, adapting to her client's wishes. Sure, she might crack, one day, when they're least expecting, she might take that knife and gut the hairy bastards, or she might just die, in her cold apartment, in her cold city, where the distant dreamers roam, rape and murder.

That's one interpretation, there are more of course.
I just write what comes to me. Hell, even I can't be sure of what I'm trying to say, at times, it ain't mathematics that's for sure.

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Gorth
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Post by Gorth » Sat Mar 11, 2006 11:28 am

Baley wrote:I just write what comes to me. Hell, even I can't be sure of what I'm trying to say, at times, it ain't mathematics that's for sure.
Shock value allright! :wink:

Allthough shock values often works best in limited dozes, so I guess, if you just focused on these (interesting) short stories and try different angles it will have the desired effect.

If you put *that* kind of shock value in a longer story, or in the middle of a story of a different style, you run the risk of either losing the shock value due to numbed sensitivities or it just feels out of place.

Well, that was just some "what if" speculation, your short story is strong and emotional.

Ok, so you are relatively young and I wonder how much of this you have felt personally and how much is speculation, based on hear-say about the subjects ?

More short stories about the protagonists coming ?

What about the young guy ? A reason why he where he was in the story ? Could be the subject of another short story. Heck, you could cover your own little miniature universe by dotting the landscape with small strong stories :)
A dyslexic walks into a bra...

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Baley
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Post by Baley » Sat Mar 11, 2006 1:36 pm

Gorth wrote: What about the young guy ? A reason why he where he was in the story ?
He's there to screw the woman.

And yes, I was thinking about a number of stories on the same theme and in the same universe. This is actually the second I've started, the first was about 2 guys and God, perhaps I'll finish it one day.

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