Winterwind Productions went online December 21st, 2003, twenty years ago today. I launched it on the winter solstice. The solstice used to mean something to me. Twenty years ago I still had hope for humanity. Twenty years later… not so much.
My country is broken, the planet that gives us life is dying and my mood alternates between depression and anger. There’s nothing in-between. And neither depression nor anger move me to action. I think too much, do too little. For example, I’ve written one thing in the last year. That’s it. That’s all. One article. I have notes and drafts for a dozen but I don’t finish them.
What can I say? Depression, anger and PTSD are a cruel mistress.
The saddest part, for me, is that personally and professionally everything was on track up until April, 2021. Then it started going wrong and kept going wrong and the worst part, the absolute kicker, was that it was all due to incompetent guitar techs. It wasn’t poor planning or miscalculations on my part. It was piss poor work from supposed professionals that damaged my only bass and my three main guitars. It’s kind of hard to work as a musician without your instruments.
Writing articles isn’t “my main thing”. Music is. So, when I couldn’t make music I had no motivation to write articles. And in doing neither my income trickled to next to nothing. So, again, back and forth between anger and depression…
But as of this writing, anger is winning. And think I’m able to channel that anger now.
I’d wanted to do something for Winterwind’s 20th. It only happens once after all. But I didn’t. Well, I shot a video. Just me, talking, venting, getting some things off my chest. I’ve been too quiet, too “turn the other cheek” for too long. Who knows. Maybe I’ll actually upload it over the holiday weekend.
I’m angry now. Very angry. It’s time to use that.
Oh, this makes me angry too…
I blame Star Trek for that.
(Star Trek 1966-2005 RIP)
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