The Job of a Tech Support Dude

The Job of a Tech Support Dude

by apoxuponme

This is a collection of a few calls that I got last week...

—Your phone number?
555-2310.

—Alright, was that two three one zero?
no. 555-2310

—… Alright sir

(later)

—can you click on the start button for me and go into control panel?
…what?

—click on the Start button.
i don’t have a start button

—… ok, is the computer on sir? yeah.

—what does it say on the bottom left of the screen?
it says start

—Fantastic, click on that
okay. now, do you want me to open, explore or what?

—pardon?
it says open, explore and Search?

—you right clicked on it. I want you to use the left mouse button instead this time
ok… so, where do you want to me to go?

—have you clicked on the Start button yet?
No. Is that what you want me to do?

—Yes, left click on Start for me, sir.
Um…. okay, lets start over. I’m totally lost.

I told a guy once to remove all external devices from his computer so we could run a restore on his computer and he couldn’t follow any instructions afterwards because… he… unplugged his… mouse and keyboard…

and finally… (this is the best call I’ve had so far. I was sure I was being pranked, but it’s for real)…

Thank you for calling tech sup-
—HALPME! My f’n computer won’t stop beeping! It’s driving me crazy. Tell me how to stop it from beeping!

(hearing constant beep noise in the background)

well, um, can I get your phone number please?
—How is giving you my phone number going to help you?! Just tell me how to stop it from beeping! I’m going insane here! How to I stop it?

Why don’t you turn the computer off? That would stop the beeping.
—NO! I am not turing it off. Help me.

ok. Can you give me the serial number of the computer?
—How is giving you my serial number going to help?

I need it to confirm that you have a computer that I can support sir what is the serial number?

(long pause. heavy breathing and beeping can be heard)

—ok. serial number is 4555412214468745-21

…that’s not the serial number.
—DAMNIT!

Look for a twelve digit number with letters and numbers in it.

(longer pause. heavy breathing and beeping can be heard)

—alright. serial number is mj4h2g1t4521
Alright sir, thank you. That’s not a computer that I support in this department, I’ll transfer you please hold.

—NOOOOOOOOOOO

Old Lady
first call:
dosen’t have a DVD decoder on her computer
tech tells her to do a full format of the hard drive
second call:
finished formatting. calling back for further instructions
tech needs to mail her the WinXP cd.
If I had gotten this person at the begining, I would have broken the dumass rules and told her “download a decoder!”, or, rent the Matrix or something and install InterActual for free!
Unbelieveable.

—————————

(after getting the phone number)
— what were the last 4 digits again?
of what?

— …………………..of your phone number?


Note – This article was originally published on the old Winterwind Productions site in November, 2004, prior to our switch to WordPress in 2020.

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